Originally from New York, I began my career as an RN in 1989 and my nursing experience has been based in both labor and delivery and mother-baby units.
In 1995 I attended the Swedish Institute for Massage Therapy in New York City and the world of holistic and alternative therapies was at my fingertips…. literally! I became a licensed massage therapist and also received certification in pregnancy and labor massage.
I was pregnant with my first son in 1998, living in Illinois and fulfilling my dream of starting a family and creating a home. I couldn’t wait to hold my baby boy. I felt confident that all my professional experience was all I needed. But then we came home and he cried and cried. The only time my baby was content was when he was being held or walked. Breastfeeding was so difficult and painful and I began to dread feedings. All my confidence was gone. I didn’t trust that I was giving him all he needed and I began to doubt everything I ever knew or had ever told moms that I had cared for. I felt isolated, lost and lonely.
My second son was born seventeen months later, breastfeeding was much easier and I was so busy that I didn’t have the time to overthink or analyze everything! I didn’t hold myself to such high expectations or such strict ideals of feeding or sleeping.